granny

i love my granny for multiple reasons. in fact, my "handle" was inspired by her. we used to call her "plain old grandma." when i was young, i thought that all grandmas should be big and soft - easier for hugging and being hugged. she believes the two things you must always have on hand are m&m's and starbright mints. or are they starlight mints? i can't ever remember. she's my only living grandparent - the rest passed away years ago. so far she is 83 - outliving the rest by nearly 10 years. she's always laughed hard - a fan of the road runner since i can remember. i think the secret to her long life is being happy. she's had a few reasons not to be happy. her father wasn't the most faithful or kind. he died when she was young and her mother, who was notoriously strict, raised the children with the help of her own father. granny married at 16 or 18 to a man who soon was lost at sea during wwii. she married the man who delivered her the bad news. he became my grandpa. she picked up smoking when her first husband died, she says it's because she wanted to die. her new husband wasn't all that great. there are some stories too ugly to bother sharing. anyway, she was a heavy smoker up until the missionaries came looking for grandpa - who had been baptized since he was 8 but was inactive since he was 15. the missionaries managed to convert my mother, a 15 year old, and eventually the siblings and granny followed suit. granny always says that it was a blessing the missionaries gave her that helped her to finally put down the cigarettes for good. grandpa made her go to nursing school after having her last child because he thought she needed a backup skill in case something happened to him. i think he also made her work many years after the children were grown.

okay, this is a big long story about granny i had no intention of telling. i just wanted to share one of her typical "granny emails" she sends multiple times a day. they're sometimes fanatically right winged, and a bit scary, but often they are just pure silliness. the sort of email forwards that you are embarrassed to get. well i call them "granny emails" because she's the queen of sending them. sometimes i read them. today i did. i laughed. i decided to blog it. enjoy.

Low Impact Exercise

Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge. Here are the things I have become good at:

* Beating around the bush
* Jumping to conclusions
* Climbing the walls
* Swallowing my pride
* Passing the buck
* Throwing my weight around
* Dragging my heels
* Pushing my luck
* Making Mountains out of molehills
* Hitting the nail on the head
* Wading through paperwork
* Bending over backwards
* Jumping on the bandwagon
* Balancing the books
* Running around in circles
* Eating crow
* Tooting my own horn
* Climbing the ladder of success
* Pulling out the stops
* Adding fuel to the fire
* Opening a can of worms
* Putting my foot in my mouth
* Starting the ball rolling
* Going over the edge