background for last post

not that it's needed, but i think it's a bit interesting. i had a dream over the weekend. all i remember is the end where i was wandering around a large building looking for my friends but either all the doors were locked or nobody was where they were supposed to be. i finally came across one friend who was sitting at a bar depressed. i joined her. i was wearing a pink bathrobe and had one over stuffed oreo left to share - i had eaten the rest of the package while wandering. as you can imagine, i woke up from the dream a bit depressed. it felt real enough that i actually ate ice cream for breakfast (i had no oreos in the house) and the rest of the day i struggled with similar feelings. so this morning, when i was reading my scriptures and came across that verse in helaman i suddenly felt empowered to take off the bathrobe and throw out the last oreo. metaphorically.

historically may can be a real struggle for me. i always get depressed at the end of the school year - i start missing my kids and missing the ones that have gone on before. i miss all the lost opportunities and truthfully, i fear the future big time. not so much summer, more the NEXT school year. yes, i tend to fear the future. since i have to do a lot in may to get ready for next school year it's a real struggle for me - lots of confused and mixed emotions. add to this stress i'm still coping with the loss of my father two summers ago. this year i've been doing lots better, but i got hit by it big this weekend. and you know how it is when you get sad and stressed, it's easy to find lots of other things to be sad and stressed about. so, like i said, that verse in helaman was a real necessary kick in the pants.

i'd like to report that today was one of my best school days so far. good class discussion, no conflicts with rowdy students - just nice easy goodnes.